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Mistletoe And Murder! – It’s Xmas!!!

December 24, 2015


Kiss me before you go
Right here under the mistletoe
She said…
Wait ’til later
After Mater and Pater
have gone to bed…


So we sat in silence
as The Queen did espout
and then ET called home
before his credit ran out
and as the light was fading
dozed to Trotters independent trading
trying to be merry
on a single glass of sherry
tentatively sat holding hands
waiting for parents to disband…


Let’s play a game
all of a sudden said Dad
Get out the Cluedo
No! that’ll drive us mad!
But out comes the board
from the dusty old box
Dad sneaks another sherry
the sly old fox
Mum brings nibbles
and suppertime fare
Dad takes rolls the dice
and we all sit there…


A choice of weapons
So proudly displayed
Colonel Mustard in the library
chatting up the housemaid
Miss Scarlet in the bedroom
the bed recently unmade
My mind begins to wander
will I ever get laid?


Two hours later
And enough is enough
We had to let Dad win
or he’d go off in a huff
but still they’re not tired
so we again sit in silence
my mind now thinking
of acts of violence


Shall I hit him with the candlestick
or hang him from the rope
or stab with the dagger
I don’t hold much hope…
But then all of a sudden
both have closed their eyes
they no longer breathe
no snores, grunts or sighs
for my gorgeous girl
has found the way to win
she topped up their sherry
with a fatal micky finn!

And so now we can go
All night under the mistletoe!




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